Their Royal Wedding Bargain Page 13

  ‘He was hard on all of us. We got used to it.’ Rafe shrugged off her sympathy. He never let himself indulge in weak emotions like sympathy and need. ‘Do you eat mushrooms?’

  ‘Yes.’ She frowned thoughtfully. ‘I do remember hearing he was often upset with you, but you were always blamed for any issues that came up.’

  Rafe laughed, turning the steaks. ‘Often I deserved it.’ He gave her his trademark smile, but somehow it felt false. ‘I enjoyed riling my father by getting into scraps I shouldn’t have.’

  ‘At least he didn’t actually follow through on the threat. I can’t imagine how you would have felt if he’d actually disowned you.’

  ‘I have no doubt that he would have, had he lived. Do you want your potatoes salted?’

  ‘Yes, fine,’ she dismissed with a wave of her hand. ‘And your mother? She didn’t tell you that you were a good person either?’

  Wondering how the topic of conversation had turned from her to him so neatly, Rafe frowned. He had already told Alexa more about himself than he’d told anyone else and now he was flooded with memories he’d rather forget.

  ‘My mother had her own problems,’ he said tonelessly. ‘Namely my father. They were always at each other’s throats about something or other and I’m not sure she noticed any of us most of the time. She left when I was ten.’

  He placed the steaks and potatoes on a plate and dressed the salad.

  ‘Ten?’

  He saw the sympathy on Alexa’s face and his gut clenched. He still remembered waking up the morning after his mother had stolen out of the palace like a thief in the night, never to return. He’d come to terms with his childhood loss a long time ago. Come to terms with the fact that his mother lived the life of a recluse now, and rarely saw anyone.

  ‘Did you see her often after she left?’

  ‘No. She moved to Europe and Jag, Milena and I stayed in Santara. She didn’t want us to go with her. She wanted a clean break, to be able to make a fresh start with her life.’

  ‘But how could a mother do that?’

  ‘Not all women are maternal, Princess.’ He held two plates up with a flourish. ‘Let’s eat.’

  * * *

  Alexa was so shocked by Rafe’s revelations about his childhood that she didn’t know where to put the information.

  According to stories she had heard about her own mother, she had been kind and compassionate, and Alexa would give anything to have memories of her, whereas Rafe sounded like he’d give anything not to have memories of his.

  Her heart went out to him as a young boy stuck in a volatile household. Hers hadn’t been overly warm, her father often a distant figure, but she’d never doubted his love for her.

  ‘But what about Milena and Jaeger?’ she asked, following him to the table. ‘Did it bring you closer to them?’ Because she had always run to Sol when she’d felt down, and she missed him terribly now that he was gone.

  ‘Yes and no. Milena was extremely young when our mother left and she needed a lot of support. Jag was away at boarding school.’ He set their wine glasses on the table. ‘I hope you’re hungry.’

  She was starving but she didn’t care about food. ‘Do you ever talk about it with Jag or Milena?’ she prodded.

  The look he gave her was one of surprise. ‘Why would I do that? They have their lives, and I have mine.’

  ‘It might be healthy,’ she offered. ‘How do you know they’re not suffering in some way?’

  She saw a muscle pulsing in his jaw as if she’d hit a nerve, his eyes suddenly remote. ‘Jag and Milena both have my number if they need me. And you—’ he said with silky emphasis ‘—do not need to concern yourself with any of this. I’m fine, Alexa. There’s nothing missing from my life.’

  What about love? she thought.

  He didn’t have love, but nor did he want it. As soon as the thought entered her mind a deep sense of misery filled her whole body. Misery for the boy whose parents had cared more about their own needs than those of their children. And misery at the wounds their behaviour had inflicted—inadvertent or otherwise. But at least now she had some understanding as to why he was the way he was.

  Where she had always craved connection to others as a result of the lack of warmth in her own childhood—often to her personal detriment—Rafe had been let down by the very people who should have had his back, so he didn’t let anyone close. He didn’t try at all.

  And she would do well to remember that because he didn’t want that to change, and she’d be a fool to want it to be otherwise.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  SOMETHING TICKLED HER ribs and Alexa swatted at it. ‘Don’t wake me.’

  ‘I thought you were a morning person.’

  She rolled over and groaned when she saw the clock. ‘I am when I’ve managed to get some sleep.’

  Rafe sat down on the bed beside her. ‘I have coffee.’

  ‘Coffee?’ Alexa sprang up and blinked the sleep from her eyes. She breathed deeply and there it was, that delicious aroma.

  Rafe laughed and handed her a mug. ‘So predictable. But drink up. I have a surprise for you.’

  ‘You do?’

  ‘How do you feel about going on a road trip?’

  ‘Don’t you have to work?’

  ‘Hannah’s been nagging me about taking time off so I’ve cancelled my appointments for the next couple of days. If you need any further incentive, the road trip involves my bike.’

  ‘It does?’ Feeling helplessly happy and knowing it was dangerous to keep indulging in an emotion that had everything to do with the man creating it, Alexa shelved the voice in her head that said she was letting herself feel too much and nodded. ‘Give me five minutes.’

  Rafe laughed, leaning in to give her a lingering kiss. ‘Now I really am jealous of my bike.’

  A couple stretched into five days of exploring the English and Scottish countryside, as well as each other.

  Rafe had taken her to Cambridge and the pub he’d frequented during his student days. From there they’d spent an afternoon climbing the ruggedly green Old Man of Coniston in the Lake District, before skipping over the border to explore Scotland. They’d stopped at Glasgow for a few nights where Rafe had checked out the nightclub scene and a couple of buildings he said he was thinking of investing in. One in particular, a grand old Art Deco cinema, Alexa had fallen in love with, totally on board with his vision of restoring it to its former glory rather than tearing it down.

  Now they were by Loch Ness, standing under a cloudy sky and staring at the inky black waters of the lake.

  ‘I’ve always wanted to see the monster,’ Alexa said, her eyes searching for a tell-tale ripple or sign of an arched neck.

  Rafe slipped his open coat around her body and hugged her closer against the sudden drop in the temperature. ‘There is no monster.’

  ‘Don’t ruin the fun of it.’ She burrowed even further into him against the cold. ‘I’ve decided I’m going to do this every year.’

  ‘Look for the Loch Ness monster?’

  ‘No.’ She jabbed him playfully. ‘Take off for a week where no one knows who I am or where I am. I might even get my motorbike licence.’

  ‘The Princess who rides?’

  ‘Absolutely.’

  She tilted her head up to gaze into his amused blue eyes. They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, the connection between them so deep it took her breath away more than the scenery.

  Suddenly feeling something damp on her face, Alexa shifted her gaze to the sky. ‘Rafe! It’s snowing!’

  He smiled at her indulgently, stroking a flake from her cheek. ‘So it is. Rare for this time of year, but damn cold enough!’

  She started laughing and turned out of the circle of his arms to spread hers wide. ‘I’ve never seen snow before. It’s glorious.’

  ‘You�
�re glorious.’ He pulled her back to him and crushed her lips beneath his until she forgot all about the snow.

  When they finally parted to draw breath Rafe reached down to brush the wetness from her cheeks. ‘Happy?’

  Alexa could have melted into a contented puddle at the way he was looking at her. ‘So happy.’

  * * *

  The following morning, their last on the road, Alexa relaxed in the quaint bedroom of a traditional English pub somewhere in a picturesque valley in the Yorkshire Dales.

  It was dreamily quiet and she had woken to the faint sound of birds outside her window, and a crisp layer of snow covering the valley. Snuggled up in bed, she realised that she hadn’t practised her normal yoga routine or thought about work all week, and she didn’t even care. This trip with Rafe was a break from real life and she’d embraced it much more heartily than she would have thought possible.

  Out here, they were just Mr and Mrs Nobody, taking a week off and travelling together. Last night the publican and his wife hadn’t batted an eye as they’d pulled up late and asked if they had a room. A week ago Alexa would never have thought she would ever be in such a situation. She’d never thought she’d feel this magical, and all because she’d decided to ‘take charge’, as he’d suggested, and embraced uncertainty.

  She could only imagine Nasrin’s face when she told her how sexy the Prince really was. Or would she tell her? She’d certainly grown close to Nasrin over the last three years, but perhaps this experience was too private to share with anyone. Because she had no doubt that Nasrin would have her romantic hat on and interrogate her with a litany of questions about what had happened and how she felt about him. No doubt expecting Alexa to have fallen in love with him or something equally absurd.

  Fortunately she wasn’t at risk of that happening. She was having a good time with Rafe. A wonderful time, but that was all it was for both of them. The public might have bought their romantic love story but Alexa knew the truth, and this time she was determined to remain objective.

  Wondering why she felt so unsettled all of a sudden, she nearly fell on the phone beside the bed as it started to ring. Out of habit she picked it up, checking the display before she realised that it was Rafe’s phone and not her own.

  Regan’s name flashed across the screen and Alexa glanced at the bathroom door, where she could hear the shower running. She’d been too drowsy to join Rafe when he’d tried to cajole her into shower sex, promising to go in search of a soy latte for her as soon as he was out.

  Regan’s name flashed again and Alexa sat up, pulling Rafe’s discarded T-shirt over her head to ward off the chill, and swiped the screen to answer the call. The Queen might be calling because of a family emergency and she didn’t feel comfortable letting it go through to voicemail when she had the chance to answer it.

  Delighted to hear her voice, Regan was keen to find out how Alexa was enjoying her time in England with Rafe and, before she knew it, Alexa found herself drawn in by the other woman’s natural warmth. It was clear why the King had fallen in love with her. Even on the phone she was animated and sincere, so opposite to Alexa’s own tendency to be closed down. Not that she’d been closed down this week. In fact the way she’d been with Rafe shocked the life out of her. Reminding her that she could be fun and relaxed when she wasn’t so worried about the future, and how everyone perceived her.

  Maybe a little bit of Rafe’s capacity to let things go had rubbed off on her. Not that she’d go as far as he had in letting things go. Like letting go of his country, and his family.

  ‘So I’ve organised a surprise birthday dinner for Jag in London tomorrow night,’ Regan said in a hushed tone as if she half expected her husband to sneak up behind her. ‘And I haven’t heard yet if Rafe is coming. It’s not that big a deal because I’ve booked the whole restaurant, but I’d really like to know. It would mean so much to Jag and me if you were both there.’

  ‘Of course we’ll be there,’ Alexa said, not really thinking about the ramifications of that statement until she hung up and Rafe strolled out of the shower a couple of minutes later, a white towel draped around his lean hips, another draped around his shoulders, the tips of his hair glistening with wet drops from the shower.

  ‘She lives.’ He grinned at her. ‘I was hoping you’d join me.’

  ‘I was thinking about it,’ she murmured, automatically opening her mouth for his kiss. ‘But then Regan rang.’

  Given that he’d said that he liked things just the way they were between him and his siblings, she wasn’t sure how to tell him she’d accepted Regan’s invitation. She would give anything to be able to go to another birthday dinner for Sol but she knew that Rafe didn’t feel the same way about his family.

  Rafe dropped the towel from around his shoulders, going still. ‘Is everything okay?’

  ‘Everything’s fine. She told me she’s throwing your brother a surprise birthday party tomorrow night and that you haven’t RSVP’d.’

  Rafe nuzzled a path down the side of her neck. ‘I’ve been so distracted I forgot. I need to let her know that we’re busy.’

  Alexa braced her hands on the balls of his shoulders to shift him back.

  ‘Are we busy?’

  He frowned as she thwarted his attempt to rid her of his T-shirt. ‘Yes. Tomorrow is our last night before you return to Berenia and I plan to make love with you the entire time.’

  Their last night together? How had it come about so quickly? And how had she forgotten?

  ‘Would you mind terribly if we had a slight change in plan?’ she asked, arching her neck as he resumed his teasing kisses.

  ‘How slight?’

  ‘Well...’ She winced, some sixth sense warning her that this might not go as well as she’d originally hoped. ‘I sort of accepted Regan’s invitation on your behalf.’

  As predicted, Rafe drew back, frowning at her. ‘How do you sort of accept an invitation?’

  ‘You say yes.’

  ‘Why would you do that?’

  ‘Because it’s a really nice idea, and she really wants you to be there. She said it would make Jag’s night.’

  Rafe shook his head, moving further away from her. ‘I just saw my brother at our wedding two weeks ago, and then at the ball two weeks before that. I’ve seen him more this month than I did the whole of last year.’

  ‘Surely that’s all the more reason to go.’ Sensing his physical and emotional withdrawal, and hating it, Alexa touched his arm. ‘What are you afraid of?’

  ‘Afraid of?’ Rafe barked out a laugh. ‘Fear isn’t what’s keeping me from wanting to go.’

  ‘Then what is? Because it’s important to make time for family.’

  ‘Not all family members are best friends, Alexa.’

  ‘I know. Which is why it’s so vital to forge strong bonds. The more you see someone, the more you want to see them.’

  Rafe gave her a look. ‘Sometimes the opposite occurs.’

  ‘It doesn’t count with family because, as annoying as they can be, they’re the only ones who will rush to your side when the chips are down.’

  ‘I don’t plan to let my chips go anywhere,’ he drawled. ‘Especially not down.’

  Alexa returned his look of a moment ago and pushed a skein of her hair back behind her shoulders. Rafe’s eyes darkened, the air between turning from frigid to molten in a matter of seconds.

  ‘You did that deliberately,’ he accused softly.

  Dragging air into her lungs, Alexa blinked. ‘Did what?’

  ‘Doesn’t matter. It won’t work.’

  Their eyes locked and then he vaulted off the bed, turning his back on her to stare out of the small window.

  The morning had brightened and the sunlight drew shadows across his muscular shoulders and biceps, the white towel riding low on his lean hips. Alexa knew she had crossed a line in accepting the Queen�
�s invitation on his behalf; she’d known it at the time, and she should never have done it. Not that she had expected his complete withdrawal or the hollow feeling inside her chest as if someone had carved out her heart and left an empty cavity behind.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ She moved towards him and placed her hand in the centre of his back, enthralled with the play of muscle that bunched beneath the surface of his skin at her touch. ‘That was incredibly arrogant of me to impose my ideas of family onto you. I absolutely hate it when people think that they know better about my life than I do and I should have spoken to you first.’

  Rafe swung around, his eyes full of an emotion that was somewhere between pain and anger, and she couldn’t move. In the distance she heard the tread of someone’s footsteps as they walked past their room and the sound of crockery clinking together, but all she could focus on was Rafe standing before her like a Greek God come to life.

  He made a rough sound in the back of his throat and then his hands were in her hair, tugging her up onto her toes so that her lips were inches from his. ‘How can I resist you when you look at me like this?’ His voice was rough, his mouth hard and insistent when it met hers, his kiss eradicating everything else in the world for her but him. This man who gave new meaning to her life.

  Alexa moaned, her mouth opening beneath his in an emotional onslaught of need that seemed never-ending, her hands clinging to his wide shoulders as if she might tumble over a cliff and be dashed against jagged rocks if she were to let him go.

  Finally Rafe raised his head, leaning his forehead against hers, his breathing ragged.

  ‘I’ll go to my brother’s party. This time. But, even though I know you mean well, I don’t want you to ever interfere with my relationship with my family again. It is what it is, and I can’t change that. I don’t want to change that.’

  ‘I hear you.’ Alexa gulped in a few deep breaths to steady her heartbeat. She did hear him and even though she might like to fix things for him that wasn’t her role.

  * * *